Disclaimer: This is more of a diary entry than an update of what I’m doing. So it’s not necessary to read if you’re just keeping up with what I am doing.
Reading has always been something I enjoy. I can devour books like nothing else; Mom- you know this since you see how many I buy and how fast I buy new ones. Currently, (and I’ll probably regret saying this later but…) I do not have enough homework, or I should say homework I feel like doing or feel is necessary to do, so I come home after school and get bored pretty quickly. Without Internet, I get bored even faster. I have one book written in English here that I bought before I left called Matched by Ally Condie, so I find myself reading a couple chapters a night, nothing compared to like what I would normally do at home. However, tonight, it struck a cord with me.
The book is about a futuristic perfect society where everything, and I mean everything is controlled. And besides having time to read, I have also had a lot of time to think, a lot. I don’t mind this as much, since sometimes I will get caught in thoughts at inappropriate moments, but tonight it disturbed me a little. This is probably mostly due to the theme and tone of the book, but I feel a little trapped. This is ironic since I should more free than ever. I’m in a different country halfway around the world from all authority figures. I technically should be doing whatever I want and be having the absolute time of my life. I can’t help thinking back to last semester and how around this time, I was having the time of my life. I would do my work, and then hang out with people. I can’t even do that here since we need permission to go over each other’s houses. It’s such a pain to even go over and watch a movie with a group of people. This used to be a common occurrence at Syracuse. I need to be around a lot of people. I feel comfortable then. I feel like a caged animal somewhat; given so much opportunity, but with even more restrictions. I have broken out of the bubble and into the real world with real dangers and concerns.
While walking home from school today alone (literally a 3 minute walk so no big deal and it was still light out) but I always keep a watch for people and for my belongings, especially today since I had my SLR on me. A person was walking towards me (not directly) but sort of swerved in my direction near me for a second, and I was surprised by how fast and furious my adrenaline surged. It was a mixture of fear, surprised, horror, and the desire to protect my belongings and myself. It lingered for a few minutes, but the quickness and enormity of my body’s response surprised me. I guess I didn’t realize I was that much on edge.
Later, while at the supermarket, I bought some tea and was trying to find some honey. Having no idea what the word for honey was, I was left using hand motions and buzzing like a bee to try to communicate what I wanted. They eventually found someone who spoke English, but I hate how it makes me feel like an idiot. I know it’s not my fault, but I hate feeling stupid and feeling like a foreigner not knowing the native language makes me feel small and dumb. Isolated also. Someone dropped a magazine off the stand during check out and it took me a good 30 seconds to figure out the right Italian words to say to her. It’s SO frustrating, especially when the right French words come first and I have to remember not to say them. It’s hard keeping my head straight and even more frustrating not knowing all of the right social customs here.
So, coming back from my tangent, you know, back to the book I was reading, I am feeling a loss of control. Even though I technically should have so much control, being able to go visit all of Europe and maybe even parts of Africa if I really wanted to, I feel like I have less control than ever. Isolated and a bit lonely. I want to talk to people from home, but I don’t even have Internet at convenient hours to do that. So, I have decided, I am taking a leaf out of my high school self’s book and I am going to buy myself a nice (cheap- yay for haggling) leather bound book (one of the journaly ones that has a string around it so you can tie it closed). I have been longingly looking at them since I got here, but not having the need for one, told myself not to waste the money on something I wouldn’t be using. But, I think I’m going to start writing poetry again in it and maybe some sketches. This will unleash my creative angst that has been building up as well as let me vent in my own way. I’ve already written one down on paper that I will transfer when I buy the book tomorrow. I think I’ll sit in one of the piazzas (if it is not too cold), let the wind blow around me and let my thoughts drive my pen/pencil across the paper.
Nothing like a bit of familiarity to calm the mind eh?
She goes against her will,
Satisfy her rage,
Of a human faith,
As her memories fade to gray.
And Alberta,
Tell me the world’s gunna be okay.
And Alberta,
Why do you always feel this way?
…
Let’s go dancing in the rain…
(Written January 23rd around 6:30 pm)
So, because my computer won’t let me record videos anymore, for who knows what reason), I sadly am going to have to start writing my blogs. I know, I know, you are all upset because you won’t get to see me rambling on about everything, but at least this will be easier to load/read.
Since I didn’t get to finish my blog about Thursday, I guess I will start there first.
Friday, January 21:
(continued from the video)
NOTE: name of the church Jenna and I went to was Santa Croce (pronounced crow-cha)
It was 2.5 for the atmosphere and service, which would’ve been tip money anyway so that was ok. After dinner, we walked by the river and found the American embassy and took pictures by there. There were gorgeous views of the cities and a waterfall in the river, which you can see the pictures for on my Facebook J. It was getting cold so we decided to head home and catch a bus. Victoria couldn’t come because she didn’t have two tickets (one to get to Rebecca’s apartment and one to get home) and all the tibacchi stores (where you buy the bus tickets) were closed.
So we were in the middle of having Victoria explain to us how to get to the bus station when the bus we need comes down the street (Hallelujah!). It’s all single seats, so Jenna and I sit across from each other on the same side, Rebecca sits behind me, and Casey sits across from me by herself. I know this information seems insignificant, but trust me, there’s a reason I’m saying this.
We arrive at the bus station and have to wait a couple minutes for other passengers to get on. Casey is in the middle of going through her purse and cleaning it out because she spilled peach iced tea in it when this guy who kind of looks like a bum comes on board with his shaggy looking golden retriever. He says “ciao” to us, so we say “ciao”, and Jenna doesn’t acknowledge him so he proceeds to put his hand on top of her head and sort of nudge her shoulder to get her attention. We were SO taken aback by this. He then proceeds to sit behind Casey (across from Rebecca) and continue to ask Casey questions. However, these questions were all in Italian, so I say parla inglese. He then looks to Casey and asks if she is from London. We say no, and then (we don’t know how he knew) but he asks “New York?” Casey says “si”, and then when he asks me I say “Non capisco” which means I don’t understand. By this point I had decided I didn’t want to divulge any more information than I already had to this man. He continues to ask where I am from and I continue to reply “Non capisco” but more forcefully. He then starts practically yelling at Casey asking for more information while I continue to respond for her by saying “Non capisco”. Eventually he stops asking us questions, but an older looking lady comes on and we hear him say the words “rigazza” (probably spelt wrong, but it means girls), “New York” and “Casey” to her. He may have said crazy (not sure), but either way it was weird. She sits in front of Casey, across from Jenna, so Casey moves to sit on my lap. Then, during the ride, the dog practically jumps up on Rebecca and we freak out cause the dog does not look healthy at all.
We were very glad when we got to our stop and it was maybe 1/8 of a block away from where Jenna and I are staying. We drop our stuff off and then head to Casey’s place so she can drop her stuff off too. Oh My G-d. Her place was gorgeous! We only saw the entrance, but it was beautiful. We then leave to go to Rebecca’s apartment (so glad I’m living in a host family!) and watch Love Actually and have tea :). We end up leaving around 12:45 am and head home and pass out since we were exhausted. Very chill ending, but I enjoyed it.
Saturday, January 22:
I wake up around 10:45 am, after being woken up multiple times by multiple things. Jenna went on a trip early this morning, so it was only inevitable that she woke me up, but it was fine because I went back to sleep. Then, around 8 am, that fucking hammering starts again. ($#%^$#$%#@!!!) They were moving things around upstairs and making so much noise, and all I wanted to do was shout up there “SHUT UPPP!!!!” Oh well, they’re done now anyways, but it was SO annoying at the time because they started so early.
So I take care a couple things I needed to do in the apartment and then run some errands outside. I wanted to go to the Wind store to see about getting an Internet stick but they are closed Saturday afternoons (random), so I am just going to go back tomorrow (Monday). I also went to the supermarket because I needed to buy a folder (which were too expensive so I didn’t end up getting them anyway), q-tips, conditioner and soap.
After dropping everything off at the apartment, I go to meet Casey and Marsha at a bar for some coffee/tea. I had tea since I thought I was getting sick and my throat was hurting. After, we didn’t want to walk to Duomo again since we have been going there every day(like literally), so we called their host mom to see if I could come over their place. She said it was fine, and since they had Internet and were right down the street, we went. Their place is so luxurious and amazing! (Their host family is rich) but it was just amazing. So we all chilled and used the Internet for a while, Marsha left, and then I used her computer to upload my pictures.
Around 6 pm, Casey and I leave to go get some dinner. We go to this local place right across from the school since Rebecca had been raving about it for a while. They were a little rude to us at first, but then we got a ½ pint of wine between the two of us and we didn’t care anymore haha. It was a bit frustrating because the entire menu was in Italian and we didn’t know what a lot of the things were. We found a waiter who spoke English and cleared it up for us, and we ended up splitting a pizza with eggplant, onions and mozzarella cheese and a piece of chicken with sage. It was pretty good, but Victoria got the pasta version of our pizza and it was a lot better.
After dinner, we get ready to go to out to do a bar crawl that Bus2Apls put together. It was 11 Euro for unlimited sex on the beaches and beer at the first bar, and a welcoming shot at each bar after. Nothing was very strong, BUT I was glad I went because I WON A RAFFLE! I won a free trip to Carnivale in Venice! I don’t know if I can go because of time conflicts, but I will see. If not, I will just let everyone else share the discount. We went to the next bar, which was crowded, so we left after our welcoming shots of vodka or gin (I don’t remember which) root beer and tonic. It wasn’t that bad, but it definitely wasn’t the shots we were promised. We left, went to a bar and pulled all of our change together (found .5 euro on the ground outside the first bar :) ) and bought 2 pastries to share. Then we went home and passed out because we were tired. Not a bad night :)
